Salon Swagger

Brie (00:01.532)
Hey guys, welcome back to Salon Swagger, the podcast where we dive into the good, the bad, and the ugly of commission salon and spa ownership. I'm Brie and I am here with the amazing Chandra C. How are you girl?

Chandra (00:12.758)
I'm doing really good.

Brie (00:14.488)
Awesome. Well, today we are going to talk about something that probably hits home for many people out there being a mom and a salon or spa owner. It's really kind of a juggling act that comes with its unique set of challenges. And yes, I think we need to talk about mom guilt as well, because it is very, very real. So with that being said, I kind of want to start with a double duty dilemma. So I think

Being a mom is a full -time job in itself. Would you agree with

Chandra (00:47.177)
yeah, absolutely.

Brie (00:48.808)
100%, right? And then you add running a salon or a spa on top of that, and you've literally got a recipe for stress, sleepless nights, and I would say probably an endless to -do list.

Chandra (01:02.508)
Yeah, for sure.

Brie (01:04.966)
And here's the thing, I think people feel very overwhelmed with that. And I think it's okay to feel overwhelmed and it's okay to feel like you're pulled in a million different directions because you are. As someone who has been there, I really understand those pressures and the guilt that comes with trying to do it all. I think it's really important though for people to think that they're not alone in this journey. And I think that's why this episode was so important for us to do.

Together we can find ways to balance our passions for our businesses and our love for our families. So I just want to get into the world of balancing beauty and babies while managing the mom guilt. By the way, for all of those out there listening, we would love to hear from some of you about your journeys. So join the conversation on social media, use hashtag salon Swagger podcast, share your stories, share your tips, whatever you've got with

It's just so important to have a community of people that understand exactly what you're going through. And I don't think that we utilize that enough. So without further ado, let's get started on today's episode and kind of work through this just a little bit, because I'm going to be honest with you, even though my girls are a little bit grown, I still feel this way sometimes. And it's really been nagging at me the last few days. I was just telling you before we started

had a hard week. It's only Tuesday. That's not a good thing. And the guilt of it all is kind of part of it. So I want to kind of start by looking at the bigger picture because I think this is important. Being a working mom in any industry is challenging. It just is. But the beauty industry has its own unique hurdles. I've always said that I stick by it because it does. Chandra, did you know that approximately 70 % of salon and spa professionals are women?

and a significant portion of them are mothers, like a huge significant portion of them. Many of these women, they're like us, right? They work over 50 hours a week while also managing their households. The beauty industry is known for its long hours, the client expectations, you've got teams that you've got to manage, and the physical demands of the job are insane.

Chandra (03:11.136)
That's crazy.

Brie (03:30.236)
Balancing all of this with family responsibilities is just completely overwhelming. I try to think of other words. I cannot think of it overwhelming just comes to my mind because that's how I've been feeling. So I think for you and I, kind of grew up in an era where many women dreamt of getting married, having kids and being able to stay at home while their spouses went to work every day and kind of provided for the family.

It was kind of the norm back in that day, right? For women to stay home, take care of their kids while the men went to work. Because this traditional setup was so common, I think it probably shaped our early perceptions of family and career roles. However, society has evolved. My aspirations and understanding of what it means to be a working mom has evolved, and I'm sure yours have as well. So...

I would like to know, did you always plan on being a working mom or did your plans change as you grew older?

Chandra (04:34.716)
Well, I mean, I would say my story is a little different only because I didn't even really want kids. I just wanted to have a career. And then the children popped in there. So there you go. But so I think I always figured I would be a working mom. I never wanted to be like a stay at home mom. I never wanted to, you know, just only do that. And so I always wanted something for myself, too. So I think for myself, that's what I always saw. I never wanted to just

stay at home. Nothing wrong with that. That just wasn't my vision for myself. Excuse me.

Brie (05:10.704)
Yeah, my story is definitely a little different. And I think it comes from a lot of times, right, like your upbringing and your influence, which my mom never stayed home with me. She was she didn't have the option. She was a single mom. There was no option to be able to do that. But I think because of that, it really pushed me to the era of I wanted to be able to stay home and love and nurture my babies

I wanted to be the one teaching them the things that they were learning. I didn't want that pushed off on someone else or anything like that. I don't think there's anything wrong with either way. I think it's just funny how sometimes our upbringings can kind of push us one way or another. So did your upbringing influence your decision to pursue a career while raising a family or what did that look like for

Chandra (06:02.976)
Yeah, for sure, because I was the oldest of four. And so I always was taking care of my siblings, same thing. My parents were gone a lot, they worked full time. We were pretty much free range children is what I always say. And so I was in charge and I used to have to take care of them just like they were my own kids a lot of the time and cook and...

clean and do a lot of this stuff at a very young age because I was just a child too. So I think for myself that shaped my future as to where I wanted to go for myself and I didn't want to do that. And I didn't necessarily, that's one of the reasons I didn't want to have kids for a long time was because I felt like I already been there, done that. And I just wanted to have my career and my thing for myself. So I definitely think that that upbringing shaped what I wanted to do when I got older for sure.

Brie (06:52.242)
I think that is so funny because like, we're two separate people. We kind of had the same upbringing, right? Like I raised my brother, I played mom, I made sure he got to school every day. Like that's just what it was. My upbringing, one, it forced me to want to nurture and be there and grow and yours did the exact opposite.

Chandra (07:13.814)
Yep.

Brie (07:15.376)
I think that's really neat though, and it does show the differences in people and the way that the upbringing does influence this. I think it's very clear that upbringing and societal norms play a very significant role in shaping our expectations and experiences as working moms. I think understanding these influences can help us navigate the unique challenges that we all face today. So,

Let me ask you this, if you could give advice to anyone out there right now, right, who is a young mom who is struggling, trying to overcome some of these obstacles of how do I do it all? What is one piece of advice that you would give

Chandra (08:03.524)
I think you have to give yourself grace because you can only do what you can do and you can only do the best that you can do. And I think, you you can do it all, but you can't do it all at the same time. And so you have to give yourself a little bit of grace. That would be mine. Cause I was hard on myself for many years. And you know, once I started kind of breathing and just telling myself it's going to be all right, then things got a lot easier.

Brie (08:29.286)
Yeah, definitely. I love that. I think mom guilt is something that many of us feel, but we rarely, rarely talk about. Like I was trying to think back over all of the employees that I've had over my years, right? And doing this. And it's something that very rarely came up. However, I know that we all felt it. Like there's no way that we didn't all feel it at some point. For me, it's really that nagging feeling.

that you're not doing enough for your kids because you're dedicating time to your business or vice versa, right? You're not doing enough for your business because you're dedicating so much time to your kids. It is prevalent amongst working mothers all over this world, I'm sure. But I think a lot of those are running their own salons and spas. And so it's really important that we put it into our own aspect. It's also a feeling of doubt, right? Anxiety.

And that's what I deal with a lot. yes, mine is guilt, but that anxiety creeps in all the time because I feel like I'm not meeting the expectations of my role as a mother. And I even get it sometimes as a spouse as well. And so then I think you have three separate parts, right? Because you've got your business, you've got your kids, and you've got your spouse. And I think that is absolutely hard to deal with. Like I'm not gonna lie.

So do you ever feel that? Do you ever feel like you're forced to choose between the three, not just the two, but the three?

Chandra (10:03.574)
yeah, I feel like all the time to some degree, even still, like it's always a difficult balance no matter how good you get at trying to balance it. And I think definitely.

you that pressure, there's always, you always feel like you're letting someone down out of all of those different, whether it's your business, your husband, your kids, there's always somebody that can't or yourself, you know, you, you're always letting someone down. And so I feel like it definitely is a hard balance for sure. I feel like that a

Brie (10:35.194)
Yeah. Can you think of a specific moment where you felt just completely overwhelmed by mom guilt? And how did you handle that specific time in your

Chandra (10:47.146)
Yeah, actually this just happened not too long ago. My daughter was telling me a whole bunch of stuff and I was like listening but not listening and then she just called me out. Like she was like, did you even hear anything I just said? And I felt so bad because I literally was trying to remember what she was just talking about. I couldn't even remember it because I had too many other things in my head, whether it was work

know, other stuff going on and I was just literally ignoring her. And so I felt so guilty after that. Like it took me a couple days to get over that one. Cause I'm like, now I got to try to pay attention to everything that these kids are doing all the time because I'm not paying attention. And so.

I would say that was one of the biggest things. And to get over it was kind of the same thing. I had to give myself a little bit of grace and go, okay, I gotta compartmentalize here. I gotta move whatever I'm dealing with. I have to give my focus to that. And that's kind of how I overcame that finally was just really deciding like, okay, now this is what I'm doing. I'm gonna focus on this later. I'm gonna focus on this. And that was the best way for me to get through that feeling.

Brie (11:52.072)
Yeah, 100%. I kind of remember when that was going on. I think for me, a lot of the guilt comes from certain milestones, missing those once in a lifetime opportunities, right? Whether it be a milestone for my kids, my grandkids, whoever that may be, or a milestone in my business, because there's been times where I've had to choose between the two of those as well. And that is where my anxiety and guilt really, really sets in, right?

I have to work this week so I didn't get to see my granddaughter's first steps or hear her say her first words or my daughter's or whatever it is, right? What are some of the triggers that you think happen to make people feel guilty as moms while they're working when it comes to the family side of things?

Chandra (12:42.422)
I think it's because you do feel like you have to be the one that's in charge of all of those things. And so those little things that happen every day with your kids or with your family, I think you just, you feel like you have to be part of every single thing. And so that I think triggers that feeling and that guilt and that kind of like you're not good enough and that anxiety because you just.

you always feel like you have to be part of every single thing and you want to be part of every single thing. And so that makes it even harder because you feel that pull between you want to be there and you want to be here. And so I think that's definitely what triggers a lot of those, that feeling that just you can't shake that feeling.

Brie (13:26.01)
Yeah, it's hard. mean, it's hard and it's raw and it's real and it happens, right? And I can't even imagine going back to the days of being a new mom again. And I'm just going to say it living in this type of economy to where you don't even have the option like you're forced pretty much to go out into the workforce and work. However, I do think that as salon and spa owners, we can take control of some of

and help our staff in certain ways because we've been there. We know the feeling. And so I think we can create things that will help our staff members not have to deal with it as much as we did, right? As business owners, we don't really have the option. It's just part of it, but we can make it better for our staff members. And as I was thinking about doing this episode, that was one thing that kind of came up for me. This is something that I should talk about with them. This is something that I should bring up with them.

I should figure out ways that I can help them through this because if I don't, who is? For me, my husband is my rock. He's my person or you. Like I talk through things with you because you understand it, right? Business ownership, we do business together. So it, just makes sense for me. A lot of people don't have that person though to reach out to, to talk to, to open up to. And so I think it's really important that we as salon owners start creating that conversation and opening it

to where our employees can speak about it. Because I think it's kind of like postpartum depression. It's one of those things that people hide and they push and they bury until it just becomes overwhelming. And then they walk away from their job or worse, walk away from their family, which happens too. And we don't want that to happen. So what are some things that you think we can do as salon owners to open up that conversation?

and make it a little bit easier on some of our employees to be able to deal with these types of issues.

Chandra (15:28.834)
I think just opening that door and having a conversation about it, just to find out where they're at. know, first, just really understand, are they feeling like that? Are they overwhelmed? Where are they coming from? And then I think finding ways to be able to help them, like finding ways that you could adjust their schedule or help them in certain areas so they can have a little bit more time. I know we do that with a lot of our team members where we've kind of adjusted their schedules where they're working some longer days, but they have more days off to spend time with their

And I think there's a lot of options in our industry that we can do with, you know, different things with our scheduling, our timing, and just, you know, work our life, our work life around what we want our home life to be. And I think opening that door for your employees really would help them. It would boost morale. And I think they would feel lot better too, just having, like you said, that person to talk about those things with and know they're not alone.

Brie (16:26.396)
Yeah, I was really thinking about that and I was like, effective time management is going to be one of the best things that we can help teach our employees, right? To just help create that balanced schedule. Teach them as well while we're learning because we're the leaders and we have to lead, right? So if we aren't managing our time correctly, if we aren't prioritizing our task as owners, it's going to be hard for us to teach them how to do it. So I think you hit the nail on the

Block scheduling, it's another effective method, right, that people can use. You can dedicate specific time blocks for work, for family, for personal time, the same way that you do when you're scheduling client appointments. So I think that would be really good as well. And then I do think that you made a very important point that I hope salon and spa owners are listening to out there. It is okay to offer flexible hours for your team members.

So many commission salon and spa owners are set on you've either got to work nine to two or two to eight or whatever that looks like, right? And certain days of the week. And it doesn't have to be that way anymore. Things have evolved so much. Yes, they have to grow their client base. Yes, they have to grow their bookings. I understand that. But we can be a little more flexible in doing things like that. And another thing I thought about was delegation. And that always seems to come up in our conversation.

But we as salon owners, if we need more work -life balance, we have to learn to delegate and we can teach our employees to do the same things, right? Delegate what you're doing in your life. And I think that will help out quite a bit. Let's talk about setting boundaries just a little bit. I know we have an amazing episode over this, but I think this is one that gets overlooked so much. We have to set our boundaries with work and with our family.

especially as owners of a salon or spa. And so how do you go about really setting your boundaries and making them very, very clear for your family and for your business?

Chandra (18:32.236)
Yeah, I still struggle with this sometimes because setting boundaries can be really hard. I like to say yes to everything. So it's definitely really prioritizing what is most important and then making that be your focus sort of. like, for instance, what I'll do is if I know there's something work wise, I have to get done or get handled. I will kind of organize the other things in my life, whatever's going on with my family, trying to figure out what they need, figure out with, you know, other things that I have going

on what I needed to vote to that, and then being able to focus on whatever needs to get done, whatever is the most priority, and saying no to the things that aren't going to help with that. And that's the hardest, I think, boundary for me that always is to say no to stuff, because I want to do a lot of stuff too. It's not even that it's stuff I don't want to do. I do want to do it. So I get myself into a pickle. So I have had to learn to really, really start saying no and prioritizing the things that are most important that need to happen.

at that specific time.

Brie (19:34.706)
Yeah, I think that's a great thing to do. I know something that I do every month as I go through and I pick out my five top priorities, right? So my five top for my business or businesses, my five top for my family, and then my five top for myself. And I think that is an area that we miss out on a lot too. And it's a very crucial aspect of managing your so -called this mom guilt, right? It's taking care of yourself because

If I have learned anything in this life, it is you cannot pour from an empty cup. It is absolutely impossible. And so if you aren't taking care of yourself, yet you're trying to pour into your business and pour into your family, you're gonna be in a really big pickle at the end of the day. And so I think it's just really important to understand that self -care is not a luxury like a lot of people think it is. And I was one of those moms and business owners. I never did.

anything for myself, never ever ever. And I still don't do a lot. However, I've gotten better at understanding that I have to take care of myself, whether it's reading a leadership book or taking a course or whatever it is, I've got to do things for myself, right, getting a massage, things of that nature, because our role is demanding in every single way, whether it's at home or in studio, it's demanding and neglecting our own needs is going to lead to burnout.

and it's going to exacerbate the feelings of guilt and inadequacy. So what do you do to make sure that you are filling your own cup, taking care of

Chandra (21:16.424)
What I usually do is I just get up extra early and I do things that I want to do for myself because that is the only time I really can do it. And I try to get massages and things here and there, but really I like to just get up in the morning early when no one's awake and I just try to do the things that I want, whether it's just sitting there drinking a cup of coffee, reading a book that I want to read, just relaxing, sitting outside. All those things make me feel

I'm doing something for myself. And so just having that time to just kind of decompress, think is that's what I like to do. That's what works really well for me, maybe journaling or, you know, doing some little things like that as well. But that morning time, that's my time.

Brie (22:00.168)
Yeah, I'm the same way like 345 four o 'clock in the morning, I am up I am doing me and that is exactly what it is. How do you think that has kind of changed you and shaped you into the leader, the business owner and the amazing wife and mother that you are now when you finally started pouring into your own

Chandra (22:21.856)
I definitely feel like I can handle all the things better. I feel like I'm less stressed. I feel like I can focus more and not be so scattered. Like if you get too many things on your plate, you can't focus on any one thing, then everything suffers. And so when I started really having to take care of myself and spend more time filling my own cup, I definitely, you can handle everything so much better. It's just so much, so different. you can just, you have this different clarity.

when it comes to just everything in your life.

Brie (22:55.184)
Yeah, I would agree with that. feel not as much of a loser, I guess is the easy way to put it, right? Like I don't feel like I am failing in every single area now that I kind of take the time for myself. And a lot of the time that I take for myself is planning for the business or for the family or whatever it is. But that is what keeps me from feeling inadequate. It makes me feel good because I know there's a plan. There is a road map. This is what I'm going to follow. And this is how I'm going to assure myself.

that I can show up for everyone, including me every single day. I think another thing that has helped me out tremendously, and I would love to hear your thoughts, is learning to shift my mindset from guilt to gratitude. It really impacted me and my overall wellbeing. So instead of dwelling on what I'm not doing, I just kind of started to focus on what I was achieving.

I was celebrating some of the successes and I don't just mean business or mom, right? Even for me, no matter how small they may seem, I learned to kind of celebrate those. I was acknowledging the effort that I was putting into myself, to my business, to my family and all of those areas. And it really, really helped. So I have started incorporating like a daily gratitude process, just spending a few minutes each day reflecting on the things that I'm thankful for.

And I can tell you this made all the difference in the world because I'm not a morning person. First of all, I am grouchy as crap, but this kind of changed my changed me. Right. So like the first five minutes I'm usually. You just don't even want to know, but it kind of changed that. Like I noticed being in a better mood in the morning, which made my entire day better. It's not butterflies and rainbows. It's not always positive, but it did make

better because I know that I am doing my best and that that is absolutely

Chandra (25:01.206)
Yeah, I think that's amazing. So yeah, I do the same thing a little bit too. I noticed I do that with my kids as well. So sometimes we'll even, at the end of the night, they have little journals themselves and they'll write, I make them write two things that they're grateful for that day or two things that they did themselves that they're proud of that day. And so that definitely helps change their mindset too. And I think that that made a huge difference.

Brie (25:30.32)
I love that. Can you share a time when shifting your mindset made a big difference in managing your mom guilt?

Chandra (25:37.42)
Yeah, actually, I just did that this weekend because we went away and I wanted to be able to really focus on them for the weekend and pay attention to them. And I felt a little bit like I was letting other things down. I was kind of ignoring like the businesses and ignoring all the other stuff because I was trying to focus on them. And so that guilt crept in actually for the opposite a little bit. And I was like, no, I need to like, let this go. I have to shift my mindset.

and right now it's only gonna be two days and I just need to focus on them and focus on what I'm what I want to do for that weekend so

Brie (26:16.86)
Yeah, I'm really proud of you. That's awesome. That's absolutely amazing. We all need to do that. I think it's just really important for everybody out there to understand that this is, mom guilt is a very real and common experience among all working mothers. And you have to get away from it at times. Like it's okay to be in your feels for just a little bit, but you've got to figure out a way to get away from it.

You can overcome it is what I'm trying to say. You acknowledge your feelings, set realistic expectations, prioritize your self care, seek support if you need to, which I was saying earlier, right? Find a community of like -minded individuals. And when you do that, you are going to be able to find a balance that works for you. You really, really will. Remember, I think this is so important and somebody told me this one time and

It's simple three words, but it means so much. You're strong. You are strong. And you have to remember that in every single thing that you do with the right strategies, with the right support, you can have it all a thriving business and a happy family. So with that being said, what words of wisdom do you want to leave our listeners with when it comes to mom guilt and being a salon or spa

Chandra (27:41.366)
Yeah, I think just really work on kind of compartmentalizing those things and knowing what your focus is. Like what you said earlier, I think picking your five things each month in every area of your life that you want to focus on would be a really huge step to help you start dealing with this if you're really struggling. And I think give yourself grace and have that gratitude mindset shift because it really does instantly change how you feel. It's amazing. So definitely, you know, practice some of that stuff and

It'll be fine.

Brie (28:13.116)
Yeah, I would agree with all of that. I think it's just important to know that you are not alone. We all feel it. We've all been there. And I would love to tell you that it goes away, but it doesn't. It never completely goes away. You just have to find ways to deal with it, to work through it, and to become the best that you can in every area and aspect of your life. So once again, please share your stories with us. I think this is really important. I think it's one of those things that needs to be

about more often so that we can figure out ways and strategies from each other of how to combat it and how to overcome it. I think that would be a really cool thing. other than that, thanks for kicking it with us today on Salon Swagger. Now go out there, shift your focus and make some boss moves. Be sure to follow us on social media for some amazing free resources and strategies that you can use to level up your studio. Chandra, how do they do

Chandra (29:07.83)
Yeah, reach out to us on at the Beauty Biz agency on Instagram or on Facebook. We would love to hear from you guys. And if there's any episodes that you would like us to do, any topics you would like us to cover, just let us know. We would love to cover those for you and reach

Brie (29:23.9)
I love it. Please subscribe, leave a review and share this podcast episode with fellow salon and spa owners. Together, we can get rid of mom guilt and find a great work -life balance, plus build thriving businesses. Until next time, keep slaying those business goals with a whole lot of swagger.