Salon Swagger

Brie Holt (00:33)
Hey, hey, welcome back to salon swagger where we keep it real about the highs, the lows and everything in between when it comes to owning a commission salon or spa. I'm Brie and as always, I am joined by the amazing Chandra C. Hey girl, what's up?

Chandra (00:44)
Hello, not a whole lot,

Brie Holt (00:46)
Well, today's episode is deeply personal for me, and I know it's going to resonate with many of you too. We're going to talk about something we often don't really admit to each other, something that's hard to face, but it's very, very real. We're going to talk about personal adversity and more importantly, how we keep going as business owners when life throws its toughest challenges at us. Did you know that over 80 % of commission salon and spa owners are women? So this conversation is particularly important for us.

We juggle so much already. And when things get hard, that weight can feel completely unbearable. But whether you're going through something now or you faced tough times before, our hope is that this episode reminds you you're not alone. We're human before we're anything else. And today we're going to explore how to balance that humanity with the responsibilities of running a business. I'll be honest with each and every one of you guys. I've had my fair share of personal challenges.

My daughter was seriously ill. I lost my younger brother. My mom battled breast cancer, and I've dealt with my own health issues. Each of those moments, it felt like my world was completely crumbling. And yet there was my business still demanding my time, my focus, and my leadership. I was torn between keeping things going for my team and clients while every day my heart was just breaking inside. I didn't know how I was going to get through it.

but somehow I did. I'm sharing this because I know many of you have had your own struggles. You've kept going when life felt impossible. So today we're going to talk about how we push through, not just as business owners, but as human beings who are just trying to do our best every single day. We're business owners, sure, but before that, we are human and we forget this all the time.

Life doesn't stop when things get tough, Chandra. It just doesn't. And if you're dealing with personal challenges right now, you know exactly what we're talking about. Whether it is a health issue, a family crisis, emotional burnout, adversity doesn't wait for that convenient time to just show up. But as business owners, we don't ever get to hit pause. The bills keep coming, the team still needs their guidance, and clients are counting on us to show up to keep the show running.

And I think that's one of the hardest parts about being in charge. There's this expectation, whether from others or ourselves, because I am very, very horrible about this, that we need to just have it all together, even when inside we're barely holding on. I want to say this really quickly before I ask you a few questions, Chandra, but you are not alone in feeling this way. I want everyone to hear this.

Maybe you're showing up every day, but deep down inside, you are just completely exhausted. You're carrying more than anyone knows or than anyone could even imagine. That is a very, very heavy load, but it's okay to admit it. It's okay. So how do we keep going when we feel like we have nothing left? How do we balance being human with the responsibilities of leading a business? Those are questions that we're going to dive into today. So Chandra, can you share a time

when you felt the weight of your personal life was almost too much to carry while also managing your business and how did you handle that?

Chandra (04:16)
Yeah, I I think one of the biggest things that's happened in my life that comes to mind is when my dad passed away, he had cancer and we knew there was no end in sight. So there was a long road of trying to take him to appointments, trying to help him through this horrible things. And any of you guys have lost somebody to cancer, you know, it's not a quick death, right? Like it drags on and it's really hard to go through.

And so we went through a lot of this stuff with my dad while I was still trying to run a business and, you know, keep everything going at home and all of the, all the things, right. And so when he finally passed away, we were all there and we were with him when he took his last breath at midnight and we were waiting for the corner, whatever they are called to come and take him away and the hospice people to come. And it was a, it was a very long night. was a very hard night.

and I was booked solid the next day and I had to be there. This was at a time when my salon was not as the place it is now. So I felt like I had to be there. was a Saturday at 7 a.m. and I had my first client. And so I went to work. didn't take any time to even think about what was going on. I didn't take the time to deal with what was happening. I knew like I just had to.

I just had to go to work. I was booked all day and it was like a 1500, $2,000 day. And I wasn't going to, you know, let that stop me basically, even though I should have, because it was a terrible plan to do. I kept all that bottled up inside and I didn't even tell anyone the next day when I was there, none of the team knew what had happened. None of the clients knew. And it was just kind of powering through it and powering through it. And I think that was one of the biggest things that I learned.

not to do it like that anymore because we are human and we shouldn't be living our personal lives when things are going on and just kind of walking through it in that way.

Brie Holt (06:20)
Yeah, I'm so sorry that you face that. That's definitely heartbreaking. And I think a lot of us do. We do exactly what you did. We bottle it all up. We pretend that it doesn't exist and we keep pushing forward. But on the other hand, for many of us, personal challenges, they don't just hit us. They completely knock us down. So there's kind of two sides of the spectrum. And as women, I think we carry these burdens differently than men do. We are natural caregivers. We're nurturers. We take care of

everybody around us. But when adversity strikes, it's kind of like this ripple effect. And it touches every aspect of our lives, including our business. I know when I lost my brother, my world felt shattered. So I can only imagine, you know, losing your dad. Every day, it was hard to get out of bed, let alone walk into a business and put on a brave face. But like you, I felt like I had no choice. I

couldn't let my team down. And that's where I think a lot of us just get stuck. We feel like we have to be the strong one for everyone else, even when we're the ones who are barely holding it together. I think this is an unspoken pressure. It's kind of to be everything for everyone. It's exhausting. It's frustrating, but it's real. And I do not think that we talk about it enough. The weight that we...

carry as women the way we show up for our businesses, even when we are the ones that are in need of support.

over this on our coaching call the other day and I was doing research to try to find some stuff. There's not a lot out there about women business owners going through adversity and sharing their feelings. There's not a whole lot that you can find. And so I think that we need to maybe just support each other a little bit more and speak the unspeakable, right? The unspoken.

We've kind of been conditioned to believe that showing vulnerability makes us weak. But the truth is, it takes so much, so much freaking strength to keep going when life is falling apart. Chandra, how do you think women handle personal adversity differently than men in the business world?

Chandra (08:36)
Well, I think it's always hard for women because it's an uphill battle, right? You're already a female in business and that's more of a male dominated industry. Even though we're in the beauty industry, it's still, we're trying to compete with that. And I think men, they don't show up the same way. We feel like we have to be the mom. We feel like we have to be the business owner. We have to be the leader. We have to be our support person for our friends. We have to be all of those different things. And men just...

They don't do it that way. They don't show up and they don't, they can't multitask and do all those things and keep all the balls in the air. Like even my husband, when I'm trying to do stuff with him and he'll be home one day taking care of the kids. And he's like, I took him to school and I made breakfast and I did all these things. And then I went to work and he...

He's like exhausted and he just thinks like that was so stressful and he can't handle it. And I'm like, my gosh, like that's not even a quarter of the stuff that I do every single day, you know? And so I think it's just different for them. don't operate the same way. Their minds just don't seem to work in that same capacity.

Brie Holt (09:41)
They definitely don't. Women are as mad as people want to get. They are way more emotional. We are emotional creatures, but I think that's what makes us so unique. That's what makes us be able to love with everything that we have and have such huge hearts, right? And make us the best nurturers that we can be is because we are emotional people. And for some reason, people frown on that or they look at it in the negative. And I completely disagree with that. I think it's a very, very

positive attribute to an extent to have. How have personal challenges shifted the way that you lead your team or run your business? I think that is a really, really important question because I know for me, as I was going through these things and as I was dealing with adversity, I was learning a different way to lead and it really affected my leadership role. How did that affect you?

Chandra (10:37)
Yeah, I think all the experiences, all the hard times, all the things that I've gone through have given me that sort of experience and knowledge and to be able to help lead them through those things and to be able to understand sometimes where they're coming from and to be able to be a little bit more understanding of something's going on because I've been there and I get it, you know? And so I think having those situations happen has made me a better leader because I know how to show up for them when they're going through something or, you know,

Just in general, like being able to walk through those situations without breaking my leadership and knowing how to do that because I've been there, done that already. So I think all those situations, they set you up for that. They set you up to be a better leader.

Brie Holt (11:21)
I would agree with that 100%. I know on the coaching call yesterday, I mentioned something about that, that it really helped me with my team because I noticed and started recognizing signs of when my employees were going through certain things, For some reason, if you own a salon or spa, you always have young girls that are working for you and breakups are something that always come up. And they think that that is the biggest thing in the world, the biggest mountain they're ever going to climb. And it affects everything that they do.

So I think going through adverse times, going through really, really heartbreaking and shattering times in our life, like the death of loved ones and things of that nature, really allows us to see that vulnerability is not that weak link that people think it is. And it really allows us to grow as leaders because we're able to navigate things just a little bit more and see things in other people that we might not have noticed before.

Here's the thing, when life gets hard, why do we keep going? Why when everything inside of us is telling us freaking stop, just stop, why do we push ahead? I think it's because we're resilient. We are way more resilient than anybody thinks. Every time we face a challenge and keep our businesses moving forward, we are building that muscle. And it's not about not feeling the pain. It's not about not feeling the stress.

It's about not letting it stop you. And that is so profound. Over time, that resilience is going to become your greatest strength. You just have to keep going. It's also because your team needs you, right? Even if you're not at your best, showing up for them is going to teach them what real relationships look like. Leadership is not about being perfect. I get so...

mad when people think that they put it in this little box of perfectionism. And it's not about being perfect in any way, or form. It's about being present, even when it's hard. And let's not forget the business itself, it has to keep going as well. Bills still have to get paid, clients still need to be serviced and things need to move forward. Even if it's just inch by inch. I'm not saying it's easy because it's not.

I sometimes my words make it sound very easy and in reality, I know it's not. Some days it may feel impossible, resilience isn't about making a massive leap forward every day. It's about showing up even when it's hard, even when it's tough, because those small steps they're going to add up. And when the storm eventually passes, because it always does, you're going to look back and see how far you've been able to come.

What keeps you pushing forward when it feels like too much?

Chandra (14:13)
think for me, it's like, what do I want out of my life? What is it that I want to achieve? What do I want to get? What do I want to have? And if I don't push forward, then I'm never going to know if I could have been that person or if I could have done those things. And every single thing that's happened in my life, like any of the bad things, the adversity, the tough times, like all the challenges, those have shaped who I am today. And I'm always growing and evolving. And I feel like if I don't...

have, if I can't get through that stuff, then I'm not going to grow as a person. I'm not going to evolve and I'm not going to know if I could have done it. And so for me pushing forward really, you know, that's what keeps me kind of going because I know it's going to pass. I know I'll get through this and I know once I get through it, there will be something better on the other side. And if I just give up and I don't try or don't care anymore, then

I'm never going to know that. And I feel like for myself that would make me crazy because I would not know what if I would have just kept going a little bit longer. I could have been here, you know, and same works for both sides. Like even if sometimes I've pushed things that weren't really meant to be, you know, and I've pushed too hard and then they don't work out. But then I realized, something better did work out. And so you've got to try and that's you've got to keep going. think pushing forward does shape who you are and who you will become.

Brie Holt (15:36)
Yeah, I mean, if you don't keep going, what are you going to do? Just stand still, be stagnant. Like that's not ever an option in life. We have to keep going regardless of the circumstances. We really do. Let's talk about how when personal adversity hits, how do we actually manage it while keeping our businesses going? I think that's huge.

I think there's a few things that you and I have kind of created at the beauty biz agency that will actually help people with things like this. And they've actually worked for me over the years and for you as well. The first step would be to prioritize and delegate, be really clear about what needs your attention and what can be handed off to someone else. Even if it's just for a specific amount of time. It's once again, so easy to feel like we have to do it all ourselves.

but we do not, we don't. Your team is there to help you and you have to learn to lean on them. So many salon and spa owners complain because their team doesn't lean on them or support them as the owner, but I wonder if a lot of times it's because we're pushing them away. Do you think that's a possibility?

Chandra (16:50)
for sure. I think so. I've done it,

Brie Holt (16:52)
I know I have as well. And it's because there's that fine line and we're going to talk about that in a minute, right? There's that fine line between business and personal. And sometimes it's really, really hard to tell where that line begins and where it ends. And I think a lot of us do the opposite. We, end up not allowing our teams to support us at all, instead of just giving a little bit at a time. The next step I would say is probably set boundaries.

Protect your energy. You're never going to be able to be available 24 seven, especially when you're going through something catastrophic or traumatic. It's not going to happen. So you need to set specific times for maybe business calls or meetings or even answering your phone or emails and you have to stick to them. Your wellbeing. It has to come first because if you burn out everything else is going to as well.

When you are going through these traumatic times or a tough time, Chandra, do you set boundaries this way or how do you handle that when it comes to boundaries?

Chandra (18:01)
Yeah, I've learned to. I was not good at that in the past. Again, you learn and you grow when you go through stuff, right? So I've learned to do that. And now I definitely do. I will always let my team know when something's going on. And obviously I'm not giving them every little detail about everything because that's not really good to do either. But I let them know like, you guys, there's something happening right now. I can't be here for you for whatever that is or for X, Y, Z.

And I lean on them and, know, I think I, you know, I'll tell them, need you guys to step up and handle this while I, while I can't be here. I need you to do this for me or take over this part of the business or whatever that looks like. Because, and then they do step up and they show up. And I feel like it also helps shape your culture when you're going through something and you do lean on your team like that, because then they understand better and they're more with you and in your court when you are there and you're going through those things instead of.

pushing them away and then you're frustrated because you can't get them to do anything and you're already dealing with whatever you're dealing with. so leaning on them to a point, I think that's what I do. And I think that that's helped us a lot through the years to really create the tight knit team that we have.

Brie Holt (19:17)
I think that's a great point. And I love the leaning on your team part, but I think leaning on a support system in general, if it is one thing that I have learned in life, it's that you have to have a support system. And I am one of the most closed off people that you'll ever meet. I hold everything inside until it just has nowhere else to go. And it just boils over.

Chandra (19:25)
Mm-hmm.

Brie Holt (19:41)
But over the years, I've definitely learned that that is not healthy. It's not a way that I can be anymore. And I have to make a change. You can't carry the weight alone. You can't. So whether it's your family, whether it's a friend, whether it's your team, you have to let people in. As women, we often feel like we just have to hold everything together ourselves, but it's okay to ask for help.

Chandra (19:51)
Uh-uh.

Brie Holt (20:05)
And it's really funny that we're talking about this because this is a conversation that you and I just had a few weeks ago, you know? And so I think it's really, really important that we all learn to do that and know that it's okay and let our pride go. We tell men all the time, you're prideful, you're prideful. Let that pride go. As women, we do it just as much. We just do it in a different way and we don't want to admit it. So the next step I would say is focus on progress, not perfection. And this is a big one.

When you're dealing with personal challenges, do not aim for perfection. Just aim for progress. Maybe you didn't get everything done today, but you did something. Celebrate that you're doing your best and that has to be enough sometimes. It just has to be. We're not meant to do everything on our own. By giving ourselves permission to delegate and set those boundaries, we're creating a space to heal and to recharge and

We don't look at it that way very often. We just don't. We look at it as we're letting people down or we're letting ourselves down or we're lazy or whatever it is, but that's not the truth. So getting back to kind of those boundaries and delegation, how do you decide what tasks to delegate during these difficult times?

Chandra (21:24)
Well, I mean, I kind of know where some of my team, where their strengths lie. And so if it's at work and it's with the team, like I know I can, I can hand off certain things to certain people and it will get done and they'll, they'll be there. They'll help me out. They'll do it and they'll do it right. They'll get it done. and even like at home sometimes, like there's certain things if there's, you know, here, I'll even lean on my kids and be like, Hey, you got to handle the dishes and all these things for the next week because I got to deal with something else. And so.

I think just really understanding, knowing where their strengths are and knowing where they can help you and knowing who's right to ask for certain things is kind of what I do when I have to delegate during anything crazy happening.

Brie Holt (22:03)
Yeah, I think it's important to know their strengths and to know who you can depend on. Something that I like to do, and I know that you do this as well, but I like to choose only the task that I can do. So if that list, and I need that list to be as small as possible. So say it's payroll, maybe for instance, or the budget or whatever that is, I'm only going to keep those specific things on my list during that time. So it should be a very, very small list of like four five, maybe six things.

and everything else, I'm going to find somebody to handle it. Remember, it's a storm. It's going to pass until it's not going to be this way forever. You have to be willing to let go for a little bit of time just until you can get your feet back on the ground. And I think that is really, really important. I would love to hear who is part of your support system and how have they helped you manage both business and personal struggles.

Chandra (23:01)
I definitely have a sort of a diverse group of support system, which I think is good. Brie you're like a huge support for me. So you're like my number one. I definitely, I have a couple of friends that I know I can rely on, that I can talk to, that I trust. I have a couple of team members too that I know I can rely on that I talk to, trust. My husband, like.

people around me that I try to surround myself with that I know no matter what's going on too, they have your back. And I think that's the hardest part is knowing you could have people in your court you might tell stuff to you, but they may not really be that engaged or care, you know? And so knowing you just have a small group of people that have your back, it doesn't need to be big. Like I've got maybe like four people, you know, that I know no matter what they're like my go-to, you know, support when I need it and they're always there. And so just...

Surrounding yourself with just a few people with those attributes, I think, is the most important thing.

Brie Holt (23:59)
really big misconception, right? People think that you need this huge support system, and it's not that way at all. You need people who are going to be there for you, regardless of the situation, who are going to let you act a fool if that's what you need, who are going to let you cry on their shoulder if that's what you need. But you need people who you can depend on, and who are going to be 100 % honest with you, regardless of the circumstance. And that is very, very important, in my opinion.

Chandra (24:07)
Mm-mm.

Brie Holt (24:28)
So I wanna talk about sharing personal challenges with your team. You kind of brought this up a little bit and finding that right balance because this is a tough one. How much do you actually share with your team when life gets hard? As leaders, we feel very, very torn. On one hand, we don't wanna burden our team with our personal problems, but on the other hand, pretending that everything is fine or okay when it's not, it can actually create distance if we're not careful.

I've learned that there is a balance. You... Let me say this. Please don't get mad at me, people. You don't have to tell your team everything. You don't, and you shouldn't. But sharing a little, it can go a really long way. You can give them just enough context to understand what's going on without making them feel like they have to take care of you. For example, you might say, I'm going through something personal right now, so I may need to step back.

from certain things, but I trust you to keep things running smoothly. This is going to give them the clarity that they need while still maintaining your role as their leader. Being vulnerable, once again, does not mean being weak. It means you trust your team to hold things down while you take care of yourself. And that trust is going to strengthen your leadership and culture, just like Chandra said. Unfortunately, in this industry,

So many salon and spa owners don't have that line of friend and owner, friend and leader, and it's just a blurred line. And so they end up spilling everything that's going on in their life to their team. And it can cause a lot of, a lot of issues. So have you ever shared a personal challenge with your team, Chandra? And how did you decide what to share and what to really keep private?

Chandra (26:23)
Yeah, I usually will share how you said it. Like I'll let them know I'm going through something. I'm dealing with something really difficult right now. I need you guys to step up or whatever's going on. I don't ever really share too much with them because I think there's a couple things that I think can happen and I've seen it and I'm probably guilty of it a long time ago. that's if you do overshare.

Sometimes that can shake up your business to where they get worried. They might think, my gosh, this place is going to go out of business because they're losing their mind over there. they might feel unstable because you're so unstable. So you've got to keep that strength and just have that where they know you're going through something. But you're also looking strong when you're telling them, I think, too, and when you're saying,

I am doing this, they respect that and they appreciate that you're giving them some information. Otherwise they just don't know what's wrong with you either. You could be crazy that way too. So I think having that happy medium and that balance is really, important. And them knowing that you're still there for them, it's still gonna be fine. We gotta just get through this and I just need you guys to help. That's kind of where it goes for me.

Brie Holt (27:41)
I think that is spot on. I think it's the best way to explain it. You have to balance transparency with professionalism when you're communicating with your team during personal struggles. So you just have to figure out what is going to work best for you and how you're going to communicate that. Just be sure that you do not overshare. And we only say this because it is a huge percentage of salon and spa owners that do overshare.

I was one of those owners, Chandra was one of those owners at one point in time, and it really can affect your business in a very negative way if you're not careful. So you're already going through a hard time. You don't want any business issues on top of whatever you're going through personally. I think I just need everyone to remember that it's okay to be human. Like that's all I want people to get out of this episode. I want to leave them with this though.

It's okay to have bad days. It's okay to feel overwhelmed and it's okay to admit when things are tough. You don't have to carry the weight of the world on your own. Being a business owner doesn't mean you have to be perfect and have all the answers. What it means is that you keep going one step at a time. That's what true business owners and true

do. They keep going one step at a time, whether they fail, whether they succeed.

It's about the momentum of going. You have to give yourself permission to ask for help, to take breaks and to take care of you, take care of yourself. Because here's the truth. Once again, if you burn out, the business is going to suffer. You need to protect your energy and your mental health so you can keep leading, so you can keep supporting your team, so you can keep serving your clients, so you can take care of your family, so you can do all of these things. Your business is going to keep moving forward.

And when you come out on the other side of whatever personal adversity that you are facing, you're going to be stronger and more resilient because of it. You've made it this far and you have everything it takes to keep going. Even when life feels so overwhelming, you don't want to get out of bed. So take a deep breath, trust yourself, lean on the people who care about you. And remember, just like I said at the beginning of the episode, you're allowed to be human.

Guys, if you're listening to this and you're going through something right now, we just want you to know you're not alone. I've said it throughout the episode. Chandra said it. You're not alone. I've been there. Chandra's been there. Many of us listening to this have been there and we're going to get through it together. You don't have to carry the weight by yourself. Sometimes even just saying it out loud can make all the difference in the world. So Chandra and I want to invite you to connect with us personally.

Send us a DM or an email, tell us what's on your heart. Let's talk, let's talk about it. It is time for us to bring this out into the open. Whether you're looking for advice, support, you just want somebody to listen, we're here for you. The Beauty Biz Agency is here for you. And we mean that with everything in us. We're all in this together and it is okay to lean on each other. You can reach us directly either through DM or email. Chandra, how can they reach us?

Chandra (30:57)
reach us @thebeautybizagency on Instagram or Facebook, or you can send us an email at admin@thebeautybizagency.com

Brie Holt (31:05)
Let's build a community where we can support one another, not just as business owners, but as humans who

figuring it out as we go. There's no better way to say it because that's all we're doing. Life's messy, business is hard, but together we can keep pushing forward. Any wise words of wisdom you wanna leave them with, Chandra?

Chandra (31:26)
No, I mean, I think you summed it up perfectly. think just know like you can do it and you can get through it and it will be, it'll be just fine. it will be. So I think just keep pushing forward.

Brie Holt (31:37)
And that's a wrap. Remember, you're stronger than you know. If you enjoyed this episode or if it touched your heart in a specific way, please follow us and leave a review so you don't miss out on future episodes. Also make sure that you visit our website at www.thebeautybizagency.com for some amazing free resources that you can use to level up your leadership and your studio almost instantly. Now go out there, take care of you, keep fighting and stand strong.

Until next time, keep slaying those business goals with a whole lot of swagger.