Salon Swagger

Brie Holt (00:01)
Hey guys, and welcome back to Salon Swagger, where we talk about the ups, downs, and everything in between when it comes to running a commission salon or spa. I'm Brie, and I am so glad that you are joining me today. Now, this episode is going to be a deep conversation, unlike anything we've ever really had on this podcast. Because today, we're not talking about systems, we're not talking about strategies, we're not talking about numbers. We are going to talk about you. You heard me, we're gonna talk about you.

the person who has been through so much, the person who carries wounds from long, long ago, maybe some more recent, and maybe you've never given yourself the space to stop and actually face them.

Maybe you've told yourself, I don't have time for this. I have to keep going. Or maybe you have buried it so deep that you don't even realize how much it is actually affecting you, your relationships, your decisions, and your business. But here's the truth. The pain that we carry, it doesn't just disappear because we push it aside or because we ignore it. It actually leaks into everything that we do.

and it holds us back tremendously. If I am being completely honest with you, this episode is going to be a really, really hard one for me too. You see, I had one of those moments recently. I was hanging out in my house by myself, you know, just a quiet day and out of nowhere, this feeling of sadness, it just washed over me, hit me like a brick wall.

It wasn't the kind of sadness where something had gone wrong that day. It was way, way deeper than that.

At first, I didn't really understand where it was coming from. I mean, I didn't, I couldn't understand it. I was literally thinking about my goals for the year, the goals that I wanted to set for myself, for my family, for my business. I was daydreaming about the amazing places that I wanted to travel and all of the beautiful memories that I wanted to create with my husband and my kids and my grandkids. But for some reason, I could not shake.

this heaviness and it was just sitting on my chest. was like heartbreak had suddenly come knocking at my door, but I didn't know why. So I just went on about my day.

And as it continued and it got heavier and heavier, I just stopped and I asked myself, where in the actual heck is this coming from, Brie? Like, where is this coming from? And lo and behold, I found it. It was coming from a place that I thought I had dealt with years and years ago. Something that I thought I had buried and actually moved on from. But yet there it was.

just as heavy as it was back then. I mean it was almost identical to the feeling. Maybe some of you guys know exactly what I mean and exactly what I'm talking about. Maybe you have felt this weight too. That sudden sadness that you just can't explain. That grief you thought was long gone. The anger or the hurt or shame that sneaks up on you when you absolutely least expect it.

Now I know, I know that this episode might not be for everyone. And if not, you don't have to listen to it. Maybe you're not in this season right now. Maybe you're not in this place right now. And that's okay. But I also know that there are people out there that are listening who need to hear this today because they are in this season. There are people out there who are carrying pain that they don't talk about. Wounds that they have never fully healed from.

And if that's you, I just want you to know something. I see you, I feel you, and you my friend are not alone by any means. So today we are going to go there. We're going to talk about it. We're going to break it down. We are going to talk about the wounds that we carry from childhood, the pain and the heartbreak that we pick up as adults through things like divorce or illness or loss or addiction and

all the freaking ways that life tests us. How all of that pain, whether we realize it or not, it shows up in our business and in every decision that we make. And most importantly, why we owe it to ourselves to actually heal, to face the pain and to let it go. Because until we actually do that, we are always going to feel stuck.

And I do not want that for any of you. I don't want that for myself. I mean, my experience is what brought this episode on. And I don't want any of you to feel the way that I felt that day. It was a horrible, horrible feeling. You deserve freedom. You deserve peace. You deserve a life that feels good. Are we going to have bad days? A hundred percent. But you deserve to feel good most of the time.

So all I'm asking of you today is just to stick with me. This isn't going to be an easy conversation for those of you going through these things out there listening. It's not going to be easy for me, but it might just be the most important one that you have this year. And with that being said, let's dive right into it. I want to start at the beginning. The wounds that we carry from childhood, whether any of us realize it or not,

Our childhood, it shapes so much of who we are. It's where we form beliefs about ourselves, about love, about safety, about success even. If you grew up in a home where you had to earn love by being perfect, by being quiet, by putting everybody else first, you probably still carry that belief with you today. If you were told you're not good enough or

you're never going to amount to anything. Those words might still echo in the back of your mind as you sit here listening to this. And if you grew up in utter chaos, where love felt unpredictable or unsafe, that stability might feel foreign to you now.

And if you grew up in chaos, where love felt unpredictable or unsafe, then stability, it might feel foreign to you now. Even when life is calm, you are literally just waiting for that other shoe to drop.

I want you just to picture yourself as a child for just a second. That little version of you. Innocent, hopeful, just wanting to feel loved and just wanting to feel safe. Now think about what that child needed, but they didn't get. Maybe it was encouragement. Maybe it was just for someone to say, you matter and you are enough. But instead, maybe you got silence or criticism or the

feeling that you had to be someone you weren't just to survive.

Those wounds are not going to just disappear when we become adults, as we grow up. They all come with us. It's our baggage that we carry. And they are going to show up in so many ways that we don't even see or realize.

that need to prove yourself to everyone? That's the little you, just still trying to earn love. That fear of failure? That's the little you, terrified of disappointing someone who is important to you. That perfectionism that is burning you out? That's the little you, still chasing approval. Here's a hard truth. You are no longer that child.

But the stories you learned back then, they still live inside of you. They still live inside of me.

and they're running your life. I know that I found out the other day, many of them were running mine. Like I said, I didn't think so, but they are. And until we face them, they are going to continue to hold us back every single day.

Now as we grow up, the wounds don't stop. Sure, life happens and sometimes...

We just push them so far down, we think that they're gone. And then life happens and sometimes it breaks us in ways that we never saw coming. Maybe you have been through a divorce, maybe you have trusted someone with your heart completely and they let you down. Now you struggle to trust anyone, your team and your studio, your friends, maybe even yourself.

Maybe you've battled an illness and you felt the fear of losing every single thing that you had ever worked for. Maybe you've lost someone that you love, a parent, a sibling, a friend, and that grief, it still just weighs so heavy on you.

Maybe you've struggled with addiction and you felt the shame of not being able to fix it on your own. Guys, these experiences, they shape us. They harden us. And sometimes...

Just sometimes they keep us stuck in this never ending cycle that we don't think we're ever going to be able to get out of. But I need you to hear this. You, you are not what happened to you. You are not your divorce. You are not your illness. You are not your addiction. You are not your grief. Those things, they are a part of your story, but they do

not define you in any way, shape or form.

I have worked with salon owners who have been through hell. Women who kept showing up for their business while their marriages were falling apart. Women who kept leading their teams through their own private battles with illness or with loss. And what I tell them is what I want to tell you. You are stronger than you know. I'm stronger than I know.

But we can't keep carrying the pain on our own. We have to let it out and we have to face it.

Because healing does not mean forgetting. It doesn't mean pretending that something didn't happen. It just means saying, hey, this hurt me. This changed me, but it will not control me anymore.

When we carry this unhealed pain, whether it is from childhood, whether it's from past relationships, loss, the weight of adult challenges, it doesn't just live inside us. It really does seep into every single thing that we do, everything.

It's kind of like trying to pour water into a cracked cup. You can keep filling it, but the cracks are always going to let that water just seek out. And for many of us, those cracks are showing up in our businesses every single day, every day. I want to give you some examples and see if any of these feel familiar to you.

control and micromanagement. If you have been let down or abandoned in the past, you might feel like you can't trust anyone to do it right. Absolutely no one. So you micromanage your team because letting go feels absolutely dangerous. Like everything might just fall apart if you're not holding it all together. And while you are trying to protect yourself, you are creating stress,

and resentment and burnout, not only for you, but for them as well. Avoiding conflict. Maybe you grew up in a home where conflict meant it meant yelling and it meant chaos, or maybe even rejection. So now you avoid tough conversations at all costs. So instead of addressing problems with a employee, let's just say,

who is maybe underperforming or a front desk team that is completely dropping the ball, you just let things slide. You tell yourself, you know what, it's fine. It's not that big of a deal. But in reality, those unspoken issues, they are quietly eroding your business. People pleasing. If you spent years trying to earn love and trying to earn approval, that pattern, it does not just stop.

when you own a salon. Maybe you underpros your services. Maybe you say yes to every client request, even when it absolutely drains you. And maybe you've give discounts to people that.

afford you. Maybe you give discounts to people who can't afford you because deep down you are just terrified of letting people down. What about the fear of failure? If you were criticized or you were shamed for making mistakes as a child, you might still carry that fear with you. You freeze up every single time you have to make a big decision. You play small. You play really small.

You don't raise your prices. You don't hire new staff. You don't take risks because the idea of failing feels unbearable, like proof that you are not good enough.

What about sabotaging success? This one is sneaky and it is very hard to spot. Maybe you are finally starting to succeed and instead of celebrating, you panic, completely freaking panic and you think this is never going to last. Something's going to go wrong. I just know it is. So what do you do? You start pulling back, you start procrastinating or you start second guessing every single decision.

You literally sabotage your own growth because success feels foreign and part of you does not believe that you deserve it.

I want you to think about this for just a moment. If any of the patterns that we just talked about, if they resonate with you, I completely feel you. I say this all the time, but you are not alone. These behaviors, they don't make you a bad person. They don't make you a bad leader. They don't mean that you are failing as a salon or spa owner. They mean you are human. That's all they mean.

The problem is, if you don't deal with the pain that is causing these patterns, they will hold you back, not just today, not just tomorrow, but forever.

Your business is never going to be able to grow if you're still operating from a place of fear or distrust or maybe self-doubt. And I say this with so much freaking love. Your team deserves a leader who trusts themself. Your family deserves someone who is present and free. And you deserve a life that feels peaceful and fulfilling.

But none of that, none of that can happen until you completely kill the cracks, until you let go of every bit of pain that you have been carrying. So how do we do that? How do we face the pain? How do we actually let it go? And how do we finally build the life and the business that we want? Well, that is what we're going to talk about next.

Here's what I want you to know, deep in your bones, you owe it to yourself to heal, to let go of this pain that's been holding you back, that's been seeping in, that's been doing all of these things.

It's not easy.

and you don't owe it to yourself because it's easy and you don't owe it to yourself because it's fair that you

ever had to carry this in the first place, but because you cannot build the future and the legacy that you want if you are still being weighed down by your past all the time. Think about what you really, really want for your life. I mean, think about it really, really deeply. Do you want a business that runs smoothly, where your team is empowered and you can finally...

Take a day off or be the CEO that you've always wanted to be. Do you want a home where you are fully present? Present with your kids, present with your spouse, present with your friends, without that constant weight of stress and fear and overwhelm and exhaustion and burnout. Do you want to wake up feeling calm and confident and clear, knowing that you are building the life and legacy that you're proud of?

Because you can have that. You 100 % can. And I need you to believe that you can have that. You have to believe it.

But first we have to release, we have to release all of those things that have been eating at us and holding us back. You have to face every single wound that you've been carrying. It's not to relive that pain, it's to set yourself free. If you are still holding on to anger from that divorce, it's time to let it go because you deserve peace. If you're still carrying shame from mistakes you made in the past,

It is time to forgive yourself because you are worthy of success. If you are still grieving the loss of someone you loved, and this is the one that really, really hit home for me lately. If you are still grieving the loss of someone you love, it is time to honor them. And don't do that by staying stuck. You see, that's what I was doing. I was staying in this place of just being stuck.

But instead I need to honor them by living a life that would make them proud. Proud of seeing me accomplish things, proud of who I am, proud of the mom that I am, proud of the wife that I am, proud of the business owner that I am. Once again, letting go does not mean forgetting. And it never means pretending that it didn't hurt. Because things hurt. It just means saying, hey, this happened and this shaped me.

but it's not going to define me anymore because I am going to do bigger and better things.

Guys, here's why this matters so much.

Your pain is not just holding you back. It's holding back the people that need you.

I don't remember who told me that, but my gosh, that hit so hard for me. Like when I think about it now, I start tearing up because that hit so hard for me. It's not just about me.

Your team needs a leader who believes in themselves. Your clients need a business that operates with clarity and purpose. Your family, they need you. Not the tired, not the overwhelmed, not the exhausted version of you who is still carrying the weight of your past. And most importantly, you. You need you.

The strong, the free, the unstoppable version of yourself that's waiting on the other side of healing.

You deserve that. You earned that. And I promise you this, when you finally, finally are able to let go of all of this crap, all of this baggage, everything that's been holding you back, the life that you've been dreaming of will become possible. That life of peace, that business that just thrives, that future that feels light and open and just full of possibility.

So here's what I want to leave with you today. Healing is never going to be a one-time thing and it is definitely not a straight line. It's a choice. It's a choice that we make over and over and over again to let go, to move forward, to believe that you are worthy. You are worthy of the life that you want because you are. You 100 % are.

Guys, I know that this episode was way different than what we normally chat about here on Salon Swagger. I know that I'm by myself today, but I just had this feeling that there were people out there that needed to hear it. I also know that it wasn't easy for many of you to hear. It was very, very hard for me to talk about. But here's the thing. As we stand on the brink of a new year, this might be the conversation.

that changes your trajectory. Because if we can get this right, if we can let go of the pain, if we can face the hard stuff, if we can heal, we're not just talking about small changes in our business or our life. We are talking about complete and total transformation. A life where we just feel light and airy, where you trust yourself again,

where you wake up excited about the future instead of weighed down by the past. Imagine what's possible when you are not carrying all of that heaviness anymore. And I am a testament. It is an amazing feeling. Imagine what your business could look like. I will be completely honest with you guys. When I let go of this the other day, I did these exercises and I let go of it.

The next morning I woke up and my brain was full of creative ideas for my business.

Imagine what your relationships could feel like. Imagine what you could become. It's not too late. It is never too late. I don't care how long it has been. It's never too late. This my friend, this is your time. It's your time. You deserve to live the life of your dreams. I can tell you that a million times today and some of you are still not going to believe it. But I want you to truly, truly believe it.

because I believe it for you.

So what I want you to do today is just take that first step towards healing. Give yourself permission to let go of that baggage, to let go of that heaviness, to let go of anything and everything that has been holding you back. Because the future you want, it is way closer than you could even imagine. Way closer than you think.

Thank you guys so much for sharing this time with me today. I really hope that this conversation sparked something in you. Maybe it was tough to hear, but maybe it was exactly what some of you needed. If you resonated with this episode, please share it with someone who needs to hear it. Make sure that you give us a like, leave us a review, and subscribe to the Salon Swagger podcast. I promise you, not everything is all mushy like this.

Also make sure that you're following us on all social media platforms at The Beauty Biz Agency and visit our website at www.thebeautybizagency.com. We have some amazing free resources that you can use to level up your salon or spa. So once you get rid of that heaviness and you are raring to go, grab those resources because they can change your business. Now go out there, let everything go, keep growing, and don't forget you are worthy of peace.

freedom, the life that you've been dreaming of. Until next time, keep slaying those business goals with a whole lot of swagger.